Rather Not

Cubical bubble phrases inside spectral graphite anonymity wriggles about cracking fingers and violent eyeballs, memorize a character to be lost inside the vanity of worlds, predict a moment for several passing by flying bird flocks. Crunchy vegetation, rubbery flexing flesh between jaws of mirror likeness, forbidden fruit lining bellies synchronizing scaly numberless digits. Sipping perfume and cologne; thoughts of where and when. Dreaming of dinner; four fleshy pigments, dripping juices, two headed plate decor. Three leather jackets for stitch walk about presumably without me wearing garments for obvious clothing. Slipping away, returning phone calls, answering machine personalities, walking into scrupulous doorways. Volume up, volume down, music television, soul talkers, choose me, choose another; blood gems, royal rocks, cave behaviorism, fascinating infatuation beyond heaven's hell. Grotesque of my self, grossly inaccurate, reminiscing glaciers vaguely experiencing the milk genie's grant for momentary freedom. The writer is a joker, a jester, and a tricky conceptional vagrant.

"Well Sun you be sitting there thinking about what you might be doing if you can be where you at to do what you think you might be doing while you experiencing what them underground people made for the digipeople. You be contemplating banana eating a lot. You be wanting plantain ripe ones but you trying to save money for some light bulbs. That Marsha lady be trying to write you off in a journal saying you ain't like a famous woman or nothing so it ain't a big deal but that be really making Louis angry.....he be so damn angry at her not like he was when it happened to him............this way more than that. He be so angry they go and knock on her door and be kicking her out while some black guy and his baby momma be naked there. They just leave with they clothes and a kid........she know it got something to do with you. She owe them something though....some kind of signature for something so they angry. The weather be so fucked up people be getting really sick....but hey you living organized for the most part cause you got a bunch of shit together....she be trying to convince herself you nobody but some man at the door says it back to her and then somebody on the phone says that she try to tell herself that to make herself feel better but she really don't do nothing worth a damn.....she start complaining about going to the hospital but nobody listen. Then she got to go again.....she get some kind of blood in her brain. The comic book man totally gets the scenario and you be wanting him to come closer so you can talk about the power lines. He smoke too much weed though....and it's not that great. He needs to get cleaner healthier stuff and brew it or some shit and that be his downfall while yours is not knowing what's going to happen. The neighbors be feeling just like you except they ain't bleeding.....your chest be aching from your shoulder muscle grinding some gland you need to get rid of but it take so long to get it out you going crazy....some lady think you going away so she getting real weary about everything but her friend said you ain't going nowhere you just trying to make you a fortress instead of being paranoid......he know why you so quiet and bugged out but he don't understand why you don't get a punching bag but it's cause that shit ain't going to hold up against you for real.....it just fly off or something those things is lousy anyways. They be understanding those people who you stay with fucked them over too......but all you can do is suffer for them and bleed that nasty shit that woman be stressing up in your body but you get so angry she bleeds three times more than you do for weeks at a time out of nowhere and she know that from you. She start thinking you a witch but it the other way around....cause that's how mortals do.....they be trying to mimic alchemy....so well you trying to get there while everybody getting more scared of the ground and they be hearing noises like dead people talking to them telling them they want they houses and they want they stuff and that they want them out. You tell them to shut up and be pissed off at the ground and so is the snake. She be telling them to fuck themselves. That damn there silver fox be going to some house where he think they going to be nice to him but they break his ankle with some sticks....for no reason....some nasty kids that you know about........he just cry and run away....but he don't come near people and he still shy of you cause you ain't like them. You be so worried about him though cause he just a puppy in your eyes.........but he find some donkey who give him weed and some food stuff. His ankle heals after a while......I don't know what's wrong with him. You so dizzy from the wire problem you don't really know what the hell is going on.....Louis be trying to wire you to him cause if he do you won't be wired anymore to anybody but it going to make you both confused. Them six hundred people be busting they asses working out and they be eating grains and cereals a lot.....that's what you wanted though..............that's what you asked for. Ya'lls people be trying to figure out how to get to you and Zen be really understanding you her lover and you be feeling that so strong. Cordelia there with her and she be really understanding you her papa for real and that you and Avie got a whole hell of a lot of shit to deal with. They be feeling out of it and start sleeping a lot thinking this a bad nightmare.....in they world they really the only people left except some people they recognize and trust who be journeying a lot with machines they understand how to operate.....the sky there is kind of a green color........all this shit already past by the time you thinking there about the weather change.....except they worried it is going to happen again....."

"What happens to the people they had to deal with?"

"....well that pair of dogs Zen had to deal with turned into big monster looking things that were her friends and they helped her find Delia and your parents and shit.....then they went into a cemetery gate and waved to her bye....she cry a lot about that....she really liked them a lot after they licked her face off and treated her like they puppy.....the older people she had to deal with became a holographic whirlwind or some shit. That just about happened to all of those people they had to deal with and they think they in your and Zoomy's box. They know that for real cause you got stuck with those two for real they there and they the only ones but you still got two and a half....the half is telling people about the mercury disks and getting out of jail and you keep the second one to fuck up that realm to make sure you get it to one solid stable place.....but your peoples be feeling like that shit ain't over until you dealt with it. Then them fat people they had to deal with already dead.....they had to kill them to survive so they dead for real and burned and they turned into trees. Except they be wanting to come back into your boxes to help you get to Texas....they want to come back as holograms but you and Zoom and the two comic book twins agree you got to keep Marsha and Danielle alive just to guide your way out and to help the digipeople who becoming beeper people and otherwise humans get out of that shit. Some dog close by you be freaking out cause he seeing those shadow people you be seeing.......you so sad for all the people they hurt and so is the monks. You all suffer for them and suffer so much.....but those two people be defending you on accident and telling people to fuck off when they tattle on you and try to fuck up your shit cause you don't touch they shit even if it is fucked up so they end up getting rid of all those people that be talking shit.....you end up getting rid of all the police they be having relations with using some kind of drill that be somewhere hidden......that shit is crazy......that her though you ghost girl....while you be zoning out the monkeys be wondering how come they got there without you knowing they real.....but they understand you could be dreaming after all....after all. Except they can't do nothing about Marsha and you can't do nothing for them people who is hurt. Then they a whole other group of people who really pissed at them that nobody do nothing about and you ain't doing nothing about it and what's done is done and that's that. Nobody after you though....just that damn Peanut Butter but he get his ass kicked in some kind of movie room. They just leave him there and walk over his body....he just all fucked up. Damn.....I don't know why he don't stop with that shit. Then that lady get another heart attack and that man be getting his ass kicked by some people Stan know.....Stan be thinking you is hurting a lot while he hurting a lot in some place cold he just concentrating on getting away from there for a while. He know how to do it.....he just don't know how to find you or who he is anymore. He don't know who he is anymore."

".....what are you doing?"

".....looking for a bat cave to hide cause people is acting like shit."

"How come they don't put you in the box?"

"Cause we all agree one person got to deal with what going on outside it and I am the best candidate which I ain't happy about but I do it."

"What is going on where you are?"

"....flies be killing people except for one who be staying next to where they put you into it....that damn radar thing on the jeep. He just stay there and stare at it. He really sad about that...."

"........yeah..."

"You see him in a dream near your hand. He like you a lot and wonder how you were there! You just for a split moment was inside some kind of place he like to go to was like a house that people left cause it used to be a hospital....you put your hand out and he be looking at you and then you disappear back into the box! You do that to Marsha too.....you saw her house but it was just another box outside yours that end up fading away so by the time you talking to yourself and the five hundred seventy or so people hear you and the other ones be trying to find you from some kind of buzz in they ears this shit already happen and she there but Zyna trying to push her into the same box as Peanut Butter and that work too. After he see her and after the man with the shiny bad car see her too. Zyna see her while he trying to find out what it like inside some donut shop she there talking to somebody in the back and the shiny guy see her when he getting coffee there in the window before he go out of town cause he got free coupons....he cheaper than you are....he really is cause you cheap and everybody know you cheap! You be like so damn cheap except when it come to getting dependable shit you just make sure it good and don't mind spending more for it but most shit you just know it ain't worth a hot shit about and some people really be thinking that good for you but they don't understand why you don't spend more money on your self like you don't got much to entertain you except a computer and some books and a bike you need to work on but that's all you need really. You tired of video games and play them all and you got nobody to watch those movies you like with so you just kind of done and you just about read every book in the damn world but you still searching for those you don't read....so far....you miss baseball a lot cause nobody want to throw it with you and you ain't able to relax cause you trying to think too much.....you only got really one thing to do and that frog lady be thinking the exact same stuff as you and what you need to get but she know you got all the stuff she agree with except for that and that is too expensive for the both of you and you both understand it use too much energy and hurt your eyes a lot and it hurt her eyes too and you both know it better but you rather have the sun but that shit ain't working out so you both know you only got that one option and she really want to see it but she don't know how to talk to you and how to get away. You really want to see her see it but you don't know how to talk to her and you don't know how to bring her there without people knowing why she there and you worry about her business. She think you should make some mushroom shit tea with bubbling water every week. You agree with that a lot....you both thinking about beer and how it effects water but neither of you drink that shit and think it smell fucked up. Then you both be thinking about dead fish in a bottle but that shit stink a hundred times worse but work damn good so you agree you got to use it anyways so you going to go there and get fucking nasty fucking fish shit that come from some planet that don't really exist it just like a big ball of ocean water reflection.....that shit don't smell as bad as some other shit that you use outside. She know you got a lot of shit too. She know you got a ton of shit that you don't even know what to do with and you both trying to figure out what to do with it and you be wanting to bring her some of it but you don't know how to introduce it. She know you got everything too....and that shit Marsha leave there cause she was fucking up shit and causing trouble. She know you got some big ass bag of some really important stuff but you worried cause bugs be living in it but she know that is good cause they make it more potent from their microbes or some shit and you both think it smell good like bunnies. You both be wanting to make an earthworm bin for they to eat left over veggies and fruit but you don't know how to do that. She know you got to drive far ass away to pick shit up too. She know you got to bust you ass to do that shit. You both laugh about that but that shit ain't funny and you both stop laughing at the same moment thinking you fucked. She know you got everything to do it too. You ain't missing anything except some shit you know you got to get. She think you got the stuff she would get but you both be thinking that shit is so strong you may be over your heads with that shit. Most that shit there from Marsha trying to grow the shit and some shit there from you getting her to get it and that lady convincing her to get it.....but you be dreaming it was you but it wasn't it was her and all those people remember how much a pain in the ass she was. That frog lady don't tell nobody....neither do you....but you both be freaking out so bad there is no point in talking about it cause you both traumatized. She know you want to have a big lake thing with a waterfall for them koi fish she like. She think that is easy though just got to dig enough for a graveyard and you can do that except they a bunch of cat bones in your backyard from some evil nasty fucking ugly thing that attack them and leave them dead everywhere.....she know you got cats cause PB told her that and he told her you don't care for them too much and she know that....but she got one who live outside. She know you don't like them cause they be stinking it up in there and they be furry as hell. She think they fur is good for plants though but you be thinking they fur make you want to die so she want you to just leave they asses alone but she think it good for them to be near the plants for some reasons she don't understand animals that pee a lot make plants grow stronger cause the plants don't like them and they don't want them to pee on them. So you like whatever but you be patting them like dogs and they finally give up and get used to it and you be treating them like dogs and feeding some dog food to them that they eat and it make them kind of crazy. Zen be rolling around thinking about your octopus and smiling a lot.....a whole lot.....a whole whole lot! She be thinking a lot about him and how he look like when he sees her. She remember the milk bottles....that's about when some kind of breach happen that Louis think is incredible cause he feel it. He so pissed off about you that he going nuts! You be trying to figure out how to find him but he just like you and he in and out of that box. Zyna be five minutes off from you and it stay like that for a long moment. He still stuck with some people though that bother him a lot. And he still as bored as you are and that shit be so boring you just give up on excitement except some people who know about you and worry some be realizing that you waiting for something they don't want to be there for. They don't want to be there for it and they about had enough. They hoping you understand but you just thinking about oranges and you thinking about monkeys and fake bananas and you be thinking about Fiesta and you be thinking about me running around everywhere looking for a place to hide except I am in slow motion time so there ain't no worry but it's so fucking slow you just could do whatever and I would still be searching for a single word in my mind to speak out loud!"

".....I bet the me there uses the bathroom a lot."

"Yeah he do cause he drink a lot of tea but he don't do the other thing and that be freaking people out except the people you live with cause they know you don't really want to do that and that you be shitting your body parts cause the food you be eating is getting stronger or something....and they be wanting to help you with the peanut butter but they so pissed off at that peanut butter android that they just say fuck it and figure you figure it out. And he got some fucked up sword in the closet that he don't even know where he got it from but he think it's a piece of shit but he think you might be able to do something about it but he gave up on that shit too. They both just sick of that shit about now. They both so sick and tired of that shit but they just keep acting cause they think that will make it stop and they know it fucks something up so they just keep going. You don't say nothing though. You stressed out and worried. About everything and everyone. You start thinking about how to make ice cream but that shit even more hard than the shit you been making.....except the cookie monster neighbor think it a good idea to try to make it but he think it is messy and weird. You think it's not good unless there is cake with it....you really don't like ice cream that much in general but you don't really like none of that shit that much. Zen smiling so much it really do something to the atmosphere and those two people you live with notice you leave something out that make them understand you really is different and you don't know that people might see that. But they don't give a shit cause that shit is just shit. Then you be smelling something that smell like a burning skeleton but he like it and he think it smell great but he know you feel weird about it but he just think it's cause you don't eat bread. He think you don't eat bread cause it make you sick or something but he think you would eat it if it was made from nut flour cause he saw it on the computer but he don't think they make it right for some reason he know a lot about bread but that don't bother him much he still eat it like it the best smelling tasting thing in the world and the neighbor be seeing a mannequin head on two people.....then the other neighbor be thinking about cobbler.....then the other neighbor be hearing dripping sounds from people talking and then the other people be noticing leather jackets and time slipping away like a rug you beat out to dust off. You really sad for some people who don't say nothing about it. You so sad you start even looking more sicker....then some lady notice you look so different she wonder if you the same person she first saw and she realize you is but she wonder why you look so different....she just let it go cause it is you but she wonder if you think the same and she know you do but you just can't do nothing so you both forget about it. You be fucking with the second box trying to get rid of it so much by then after you be getting sad and thinking about motorcycles is when half is gone and you done to two but that second one is so bad....it merge in and out. Then she notice your eyes don't really show a color.....like it just kind of reflect things but he already noticed that. She just think it the unnatural light and he think it cause you don't like flashing colors....that shit is weird though if you think about it....even people at night that see you walking see they headlights in your face but they just figure they tripping. Then you be smelling ashes in soil.....and be thinking about bloody hair and bubbling skin particles. By then those people there don't think of you dying or anything anymore and they just say fuck it and they don't care about that shit they just thought it would happen cause they so annoying.....they think about white sheets a lot for some reason. By then you already ready to burn some bed that bother you a lot but you just put it aside and hate it more than anything. Everybody hate that bed but you just deal with it. Everybody hate that bed! It so stupid and nasty....you be fucking with people a lot and be throwing away Marsha's shit except that grow stuff. She stole somebody's money to get it though.....but they dead already. Then you be thinking about a eucalyptus tree growing near a big metal thing that got wires on it....and a berry bush.....and a weed plant. Then these two crazy people who the little friend of yours got to deal with get semi automatic pistols with three rounds of ammunition cause they just crazy but he know about it. He totally stay away from them at this point. He cool though......but he so confused with some other boy who be trying to be him......but you know about that and he think you know about it but he sure you know about it when he finds a box of pitted dates that one of the ravens left for him and he just eat all those at once crying a little bit....he eat all of them at once then he get a lot of energy and go outside for a while. Those people ain't there.....they come back at midnight but he don't notice they gone. He wonder how he got there but you know how so he just leave that alone. He hate it there....but somehow he close around Kevin.....he think he saw him before working somewhere but can't remember if it was real so he just let that go and he so sad about everything like you. He want to stay with you for a while and you want him to stay there for good so he understand that pretty well especially when he find some apples you got too then he know you want him to be there too. He find a can of star something tuna and he eat that....a big can. That make him kind of wild though...he know you eat that too.....he wonder about you being too chunk tuna brain. But you don't care and you just go and do shit. The monkeys be watching him too.....they really think those two people going to shoot each other with him close by but that kid ain't going to be around them when that happen then they look at you and see that you got something about that for real. They stole some shit from Marsha's apartment too and you was keeping some jewelry there through the machine and they stole that too. That piss you off a lot....except that man and woman don't know about that but they going to know about it and when they do is when they understand those two ain't helping them either.....they figure that out when they look through some car they borrow from them some box looking thing and they see a cross or something dangling that shit ain't yours but Marsha's....they seen it on her and they know they steal shit and they be text messaging each other on a different telephone or some shit.....they figure that out when you be really into some thing you doing and you feel like it's real important to do it even though nobody really know about it. That's when he this guy who know you be Gia understand that you got to do what you got to do and that you be portraying what you are at the time like it a job and you got to do it no matter what.....but he still think you should be a model again. He know that your favorite but he also know that ain't easy at all. Especially now...he don't question your age or the identification cause that shit is stupid. That house you in is real weird.....some how everybody know that about you but there ain't shit you can do so nobody say nothing especially you. You be smelling eucalyptus and so does Zen.....it tingle your noses and you miss her nose a lot. Odin and Diavolo be drinking water from some ceramic bowl a lady left out for them.....Ferrari be watching from a distance.....she feed them some white fish.....she just think they coyotes.....but they leave after that and stay inside forest parts for a long moment. The people at they houses died from fires and from people shooting them and Odin's died from killing each other and they all saw it and after that they took off. They was fucked up people but they fed them what you be feeding them so that was alright. They didn't have to wear collars but they had to sit in boxes and they had to wear some shit around they mouths which was stupid but it was just a moment.....and Ferrari had to pull something once that some man fell off and he was cursing but she just walked away. That shit fucked with them for a while but they started remembering you when they was sorrowful about being there....so then they knew you. Silver Fox know about them and he start telling the donkey you some walking lady at night and he wonder why you not like the other humans and the donkey tell him that the animals talk about you and say you with that guy Zyna who be coming in and out like a crystal picture. He don't get it but they say you got teeth like they do and that you got a snake body. Then he understand that.....the donkey bitch him out for hanging out with people though and tell him that he need to go back to where you at and chill out. But Silver is afraid you mad at him and the donkey said you ain't but he know you worried and think that he need to come with you and stay even if those people is there.....that you need to learn how to act like a normal dog and that he need to take a bath like a normal dog. I don't know about that and neither do you. And you worried about his leg but he don't walk on it....the snake make him some kind of splint out of cognitive response.....she leave it somewhere she know he go to..........he remember Marsha too......he say she chased him off a few times....the donkey say he need to learn how to act like a dog and that he need to learn about a leash and a collar and looking pretty so people leave him alone and think he belong to somebody and the fox understand that cause he seen them before. And he need to know how to fight and the donkey say you can make the dog go crazy like that.....that you know how to bring it out of him. He be chewing on some bone that Marsha leave him cause she was afraid of you tormenting her head.....it was a huge cow bone he chewed on for a long time and it make his teeth really clean and sharp. He worried you going to hit him but the donkey say no you not like that unless he attacks you then you going to kill him. That you don't care what they are if they attack people they got to die...."

".....simple things are so relevantly credulous."

"I don't know about that dog Sunny. He kind of a scaredy cat. Some kind of weird vibe take over you and you just kind of want to get away for a while and that's when Zen just knocks out into a terrible dread sleep and Delia paces around a lot thinking she is going crazy. But Lucid makes some food and they eat it. I don't know where Zen went.....she just go out of it. She just go somewhere else.....she be feeling like you where you deep into sadness.....she know you be feeling like it never going to end and you so unsure of yourself and survival. She know you miss her a lot....she also know you don't really look the same and that's when she realizes she didn't do what she intended to and that was to gain weight and get thicker than that."

".........is Lilith with her?"

"Yeah she is there."

"Sleeping on the bed with her?"

"She sleep in her arms now."

"She lets me sleep on her stomach."

"....Lilith be having nightmares about people coming out of the earth underneath your house and reaching they hands through some kind of wood thing....."

"What do I do if that happens?"

"......Dominique will take care of that cause you won't be there."

"Where will I be?"

".......wherever she want you to go I guess."

"No more boxes left for my people?"

"Nope. No more. They one and rather leave it that way.....you be feeling the second box too....Zyna be feeling it too.....you both fighting but you so tired I wonder if you will get yourself a heads up."

"You don't know what else is going to happen?"

"Some parts I rather not."