Underlying Feeling

We rarely attend communions yet Cornelius invites us for his sermon. Nadia sits next to me, Ruby between Zen and I. Octave harpsichord notes awaken Nadia while I adjust my garter belt.

"Here he comes."

The pastor wears a black t-shirt and blue jeans.

"....I think they're Fila."

Annual Luncheon - Be There!

"Pink and Blue embroidery."

"Are we allowed to talk?"

"....better than singing."

"What is this song?"

"Something about shaving..."

"No it's about grass."

"Weed?"

"....bringing in the sleeves."

"This is not a tailor..."

"Excuse me ma'am...I see you are not singing...what is it they speak of?"

"I can't hit a note worth a god damn. I'm just waiting for the fucking collection plate. I make too much god damn money. Let him give it to the right place and shove it up the parliament's arse."

"Oh."

"Ruby did you hear that?"

"I like her."

Slide projections of various destinations, smiles, laughter, chattering, children running, a woman yells joyous gratitude.

"....I wonder what he does with all that damn money."

"These people are the wealthiest affluent real entrepreneurs of London."

"Hey girl....what's your name?"

"Victoria."

"I'm not the only black guy in here?"

"......well..."

"Don't make me chuckle. Send that shit over.....I'm missing a fat sack back at Lefty's apartment."

"Lefty?"

"He plays the guitar with his left hand."

"Oh....what is his name?"

"....I don't know."

"What store do you own?"

"That one with the furniture and funky African name."

".....good description."

"Thanks."

"Again I encourage all of you to attend! We will see you this coming Tuesday evening! I enjoyed your company as always.......except for you four front and center. You stay."

"What the fuck."

"He just fucking called us out Rube!"

".....this is my wife."

"Nice to meet you..."

"My name is Wife."

"Really?"

"Yes..."

"I'm really fucking high....what did you say?"

"......on what?"

"That sack from Lefty....you know him?"

".....I do not."

"You really ought to get to know him kid."

"This is my husband."

"My name is Lover Boy."

".....I can see why you said that."

"You're not high?"

"I ate fourteen red ginseng tablets. I know exactly what you just said. I'm buzzing like electrical appliances at the store I built."

"Which one is that?"

".....fucked if I know. It's got a big sign and commercials."

"Okay."

"Nice to meet you."

"Nadia this is the strangest damn place I ever went to..."

"No it's not."

"What is the strangest place....."

"Do you remember when I pulled you out of that tube?"

"...."

Twelve stories of recycled aluminum echoes my exclamation, I am exploring synthetic tunnels; three android construction workers perforate wooden rafters. Leaning into a smooth curve I dream a grey motorcycle soaring through crystal icicle formations.

"How did you get in there?"

"I thought you were on the other side..."

"What made you think that?"

"....."

"Daughter!"

"Does he have to call you that..."

"Father...literally..."

"....Hey Father."

"....hi preacher."

"I'm her husband."

".......I want to show you where this money goes."

"That lady said you shove it up the wiggy's arse."

"....well I can't show you that."

".....he's sagging his trousers."

"You really dressed up."

"Do you like it?"

"....Alexander McQueen."

"He is Valentino."

"I am Vera Wang."

"I'm.....oh yeah Armani."

"Then you fit in rather well..."

"What about you?"

"I'm a preacher. I am a humble man."

"You drive a Corvette."

"Is that what it's called?"

"It's some kind of American car..."

".....what year is this?"

"Who gives a god damn."

"It doesn't matter....we have seen the same cycle six ages."

"It all looks the same."

"Yeah..."

"I fixed it up. It was a project."

".....so what do you do with it now?"

"Help me count this shit. I'm fucking tired."

Eighty-three thousand Great Britain Pounds; we rest alongside a bowing clergyman.

"Come with me."

Our attire shall not deviate the sewer however we walk through England's massive colon. Zen hugs me close, Nadia reaches for my right palm; I clasp my sister's left hand while Zen reaches for Ruby. Cornelius silently grips two stainless steel flashlights while hiking a full military backpack. We turn two ninety-eight degree angles facing three flights of white stairs. A vision formulates inside my blood vessels; I see a woman speaking softly.

"What does she look like?"

"Nadia? How did you know?"

"I see a man..."

"What does he look like?"

"Careful for the final loop..."

"What is this place Cornelius?"

"It's the asshole..."

"It's a library."

"Not exactly..."

"These books are full of deceased people..."

"Thaddeus..."

"Yes."

"You seem agitated."

"That fat lady fucking pisses me off..."

"Okay."

"What were you going to ask me?"

".....what if I keep looking the same..."

"They won't give a shit what that card says."

"......what does it say inside their computers."

"That you're dead."

"What?"

"It says deceased."

".....hhhmmm..."

"You're going to attract a lot of attention incidentally."

"What will they do?"

"Nothing. They will keep it to themselves."

"Why?"

"You're a dream girl."

"A dream girl?"

"A dream and a girl."

"You're my little brother."

"I chose to be older than you."

"You look like my little brother."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

".....fuck."

"Thirty-seven?"

"I should of asked you first."

"I would of told you to put twenty-three."

".....damn it."

"Too late!"

"Damn it!"

"What of Avie?"

"I got confused and gave you the same birth date and shit."

".....what about that other number?"

"It's that fake one."

"The social whatever?"

"Yeah."

"....god damn it."

"It works."

"For the most part."

"I did something else..."

"What?"

"....nothing."

"I did something to you too."

"....huh?"

"Her name is Debra."

"What is she?"

"Some lady who pinches your cheeks and kisses you a lot."

"Is she supposed to be my fucking mom?"

"No..."

"What is she?"

"Some lady who pinches your cheeks and kisses you a lot."

"I love you Thad."

"Yeah after you made me sit inside that chamber."

"It brought you back to life."

"I wish I still had Mr. Bottom Puck."

"Who is that?"

"...."

"Oh........can I still buy lingerie?"

"I told all those ladies."

"What ladies?"

"I told them you were Victoria."

"Who?"

"The corporate office."

"What corporate office?"

"....fucking shit Victoria."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"........"

"This is where I put it."

"It looks like an automatic transfer machine."

"Automatic Teller as well."

"Is that what they call that thing?"

"Yeah....it pukes bills."

"Where does it go from there?"

"Commonwealth."

"That has little meaning for us."

".....it keeps the taxes low."

"So they are basically paying taxes."

".....okay I am tired of doing this now."

"Who does this feed?"

"I am not sure."

"We use these microchip screens on occasion..."

"That's where it goes."

"We are not what we seem."

"Neither am I."

"Let's go home."

".....I wonder for other worlds..."

"What kind of world?"

"....one that eludes everyone."

"???"

"People wiser than routine."

"....they will disregard every every."

"Maybe or just keep going until the end."

"He had bluish eyes but I did not pay attention to the way he looked..."

"I didn't either."

"I wonder why I was there."

"Me too."

"All those buttons my dear wife."

"....how did I unbutton them?"

"Really well."

"...they weren't yours?"

"No."

"Whose?"

".....some people who don't know how to wash clothes."

"Do I do that right?"

"Cold water and hang dry is best for you."

"....okay."

"I'm upset."

"They were not your buttons."

"I know...."

"Yeah?"

"She loved it!"

"Who?"

"I'm going to bed."

"Me too?"

"No..."

"Why?"

"....Drake is there."

"....he is mine too."

"....he is waiting for my pajamas."

"Is he big now?"

"......have you seen Cordelia?"

"I'm here."

"She's my child."

"He still picks you up."

"I fit."

"I fit."

"Avie?"

"Yes Momma."

"Don't do anything I do."

"Yeah right."

"What?"

"Nothing..."

"Cordelia will you carry her..."

"She can carry me Dad."

"Which one am I?"

"You're my dad....you're her mom."

"What do these words mean again?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know."

"She's a babe."

"She is a baby George."

"She's pretty god damn....well she's a...she can...she got those long bones nowadays..."

"I see what she's talking about."

"So you's a saying you got to be Vicki?"

"They got me a test run. I keep biting her lips."

"Why?"

"Them damn things is juicy!"

"What else?"

"She can control my gas some and she got growing....body parts."

"What kind of body parts?"

"....nothing George. Also that boy down there ain't coming out for me. She got good control over that person."

"That's cause he belong to her husband."

"Oh yeah ain't that a dandy."

"Did you hear that Victoria?"

"Yes I did."

"!!!"

"Thad you are lucky nobody is wired to you."

"......that shit is going to get tight and funky up in there...phew!"

"What?"

"....that digital scan will enhance and it is learning..."

"Learning what?"

"The perimeters..."

"What do you mean?"

"It absorbs the surroundings as information."

"Therefore it will adapt."

"Yeah..."

"It is light and sound and light and sound exist outside light and sound..."

"Wow....well they cannot sustain without each other."

"Basically this digital world sustained the outer world else it would of suctioned to an end."

"What would of happened to us?"

"...."

"You never told us about the blue amber."

"You never asked."

"I saw your back once."

"What about it?"

"It's long Teacher."

"So..."

"It's long."

"What else?"

"....I noticed your stomach and once you bent all the way back to reach for something..."

"So?"

"...."

"What of you?"

"I don't know...we grew up too fast."

"I am not sure who your..."

"....we ran away from them."

"Well he a said there were these people who came after him and those other little ones he was hanging around and put them inside some kind of trailer."

"What else?"

"He said they did something to their skin."

"What else?"

"He said they told them they was different from surviving the freeze."

"That shit was bad."

"Nobody remembers that."

"How did we survive?"

"I had me a fire."

"I did too but it went out then when I went outside it looked the same."

"I reckon Texas always looks the same."

"Should we tell her?"

"Tell me what?"

"......well....there's this goody antennae planted on top of this mountain hill thing."

"What about?"

"All you's wired to it or something....thing moves around..."

"There sure are lots of turtles swimming around."

"Yeah..."

"What about it?"

"...it looks like a bowl."

"Okay..."

"If that shit breaks they said all yous going to be disconnected to us..."

"What could break it?"

"A bad fucking storm but it don't really do that here..."

"What kind of storm?"

"Thunder and shit like that."

"Hhhmm...."

"That thing's so flimsy..."

"Wonder what it's like inside there..."

"The box George?"

"Yeah."

"I kind of do too but we ain't supposed to go in there..."

"Snap! You got it. You don't know do you?"

"What's that boy rambling about now?"

"Thad..."

"......remember when you found me?"

"Yes."

"You called me your brother."

"Yes."

".....just remember that...hold on to that."

"Avie..."

"Yeah?"

"......what did I ask of you?"

"Not to do the things you do that you worry about me doing."

"Okay."

"I do them anyways!"

"Not really..."

"Lucid showed me how to remain."

"Remain where?"

"....contemplation."

"Where is Lucid?"

"....I asked her for some cake."

"Why?"

"It's Vegan."

"....it has sugar in it?"

"That white kind."

"I can't eat that."

"I sort of can..."

"I wonder how..."

"It's just bleached..."

"Bleach is not natural."

"It's not organic but it's natural."

"Why cake?"

"I want to play with it."

"Why?"

"I had a dream about one looking like a casket."

"........"

"I want one too!"

"One what?"

"The thing that fell down in that video."

"What video?"

"I dreamed about watching it while I was laying on some metal thing."

"What were you doing there?"

"Wishing for you."

"What am I doing?"

"........running."

"From who?"

"....just are..."

"Where am I running?"

"Two phases flanging intermission for double harmony."

"What is that?"

"Duality....two hidden blockades from final self discovery."

"We will dream them simultaneously?"

"Tell them to tell her Sunny."

"Tell them to tell her what?"

"That he almost burned the house down making an ass out of himself."

"Why would he do that?"

"He thinks you are too polite."

"What?"

"He knows who you are. Don't believe otherwise..."

"When will they come into play Thad?"

"After the bloop."

"I will hear it?"

"Absolutely."

"What sign is that?"

".....it did smell just like that too."

"What?"

"Chester had a weird dream about burning rafts..."

"That is what your people do..."

"Yeah but he said it smelled like that all around you for a while..."

"Strange..."

"When it starts to get wild is when you will know."

"Know what?"

"....that you're not dreaming anymore."

"Why must I dream them?"

"It only works while you sleep."

"Why?"

"That's when you are not physically available."

"Why does he try to cook?"

"I don't know."

"He tries to imitate everything she does."

"Why?"

"He is an idiot."

"....."

"Mostly the things she does without thinking..."

"Everything..."

"He starts to lose inhibition."

"For what?"

"Existence."

"Both?"

"Yes..."

"Diesel knows what I am talking about why don't you Sun?"

"He starts to enjoy it."

"The sounds and smells."

"Yeah....it's psychological."

"Because he knows it is their psychosis."

"....people who do things like that on purpose are fucking unwanted and unnecessary."

"That's what he wants..."

"He wants them to try to act nice and bull shit conversations..."

"Yeah..."

"Why?"

"It makes people see them for what they are."

"Bull shit and people who act nice?"

"Exactly..."

"I wonder what he was doing there..."

"Me too..."

"....he reminded me of you!"

"She did too Nadia."

"Are they those B.P.L.O. people that Braid speaks of?"

"....."

"Thad what was he?"

"I don't know...I didn't program his gene code...Alsworth didn't mention him..."

"He was very emotional."

"Wow."

"....."

"Huh..."

"You're the worst little brother I ever had."

"......"

"You can't even explain the shit you get me into!"